Ok, my intention to learn the trapeze in 100 days has driven me a bit berserk! I do love to keep my promises to myself whenever possible, so when I noticed I wasn’t actually doing the work every day I was first understanding and tolerant, then a bit slave-driving, then questioning (does that sound like your mum?). Nothing actually got me going!
What I got with the questioning was two things. One, that the trapeze nowadays is not the trapeze I was imagining in my mind. When I was a child and saw the beautiful, sparkling lady climb up the ladder and get on the trapeze I was totally awestruck. I wanted to be like her so much I could taste it! She always had her partners and brothers to swing her back and forth and flip her in the air and catch her. It just looked like Heaven! She was never a disappointment like the ride on the elephant.
It’s different now. The circus place where I do aerial yoga every week is from the new school, the Cirque du Soleil version of circus. I admire it enormously but I don’t want to go there. For one thing, the trapeze hangs from one point so it circles around and around and doesn’t just fly straight like a swing. For another, there are no nets so the routines on the trapeze now tend to be a little hanging gymnastics and then a pose for applause, another little gymnastic contortion and then a pose.
So I was pretending to myself that I was in this for the body strengthening but really I was in it for the thrills. I wanted to be on a giant swing. And, I noticed that I’m still a bit shy about posing (‘especially at your age!’ my mum just said). Mum’s actually dead but that doesn’t stop her from talking in my head 🙂 . That’s number one.
Number two is that I have been working on revising the book a lot and also on becoming clear on what I wanted to spend my next twenty years doing. With that and the solar flares I was feeling uncharacteristically physically tired. My mind and emotions were doing really well but my body was dragging a bit. I also asked for and got greater communication with my guides, and it is wonderful, but I think so much of my being is moving into another dimension that it added to my tiredness. My body has to catch up.
So over Solstice I did an amazing ritual at the UCSB Labyrinth. It is pretty new and was totally empty. It overlooks the ocean, I could hear the waves, and I was in Heaven. The message that I got was that the gift that I came to share with people, women especially, is how to get present in their bodies as a regular way of being. Then proper nutrition and self-love and breathing and reclaiming their own power to create their lives, all fall into place for each one in her own way.
I can’t tell anyone else how to eat. I finally have become clear on what suits my body at this time of my life and I’m grateful for that. But it certainly wouldn’t suit many people. I was hung up on that for a while watching people feed their addictions and getting sicker and sicker. I really want everyone to be well and happy and doing great work in the world. But after hearing the words a zillion times that everyone is on their own path, I finally got a hit right to the heart during this ritual that everyone is doing what is right for them right now. My only job is to be the best that I can be at my own life, and if I look a lot more lively and healthy than other people my age then maybe they will sit up and take notice.
So I’m not sitting on my fingers, I’m still exercising daily, but I’ve kicked the trapeze idea to the curb. And I’m not going to do challenges any more either. I will accept my life day to day as I am creating it with extreme gratitude. Often while on the beach walking with Dragon I wonder how I got so lucky.
Love and blessings,