Belief and Reality Change

I firmly believe that we each create our own world according to our beliefs.
That’s why we each have our own version of every event.

But we all have powerful beliefs and programs running us that were installed before we were born; in utero, or from birth to 7 years old, which are NOT useful to us now in our changed world. ‘I can’t’ is a very powerful one and it is different for everyone. What can’t you do that others can do easily?

We often notice these beliefs when we do something automatically and think ‘why did I do that?’

Or we can notice when others do things we don’t think are ok. They are violating one of our core programs. These core programs are in the unconscious mind, which runs 95% of our brain.

Our Conscious brain/mind is only running 5% of our lives because it can only process a limited number of bits of information a second. Try remembering a 20 unit number without using a memory tool.

Our Unconscious is running zillions (the number keeps changing with new research, but it’s a lot) of bits of information a second. It’s our hard-drive! It regulates our pH, our oxygen, all our hormonal system and all our other systems, our reactions to events, our emotions, etc. etc. Some say our whole reality.

Our Superconscious is our connection to Source; our intuition, our higher self – the part of us that has the whole picture of all of our lifetimes at once. This is the part I like best and want to hang out with it more, but being in the world with all it’s distractions, I get triggered out of connection with it.

So, I have known for 50 years that we are all run by the unconscious programs our parents, peers and others installed without realizing it. I have been searching for a way to access these programs and change them all my life. I’ve tried everything!

And nothing really worked or was easy. I’m too impatient to sit and meditate all day and not really attracted to people who do.

Here is the Solution

Imagine that your unconscious is like a computer. You can install any program you want on the computer and try it out. Your computer doesn’t say, ‘No, I don’t like photoshop, it’s too hard.’ It just installs it and lets you decide.

Humans are actually much more than computers because we have hearts and souls, but this is an analogy.

Now if you install a program that is opposite to one you already have, e.g. ‘I am worthy of all good.’ and you already have an old program, ‘I am worthless.’ Then, like the computer, it doesn’t judge either program. It just uses the ones that your daily thoughts and feelings bring up. So every time you have a thought of being worthless, then you could notice it and say, ‘that’s not true, I am worthy of all good.’ You could even reinstall the program to reinforce that.

Gradually when it needs more room on the hard-drive it will trash the old, unused program and it can no longer be triggered by fear events in your life.

Choosing a New Program.

You can choose a program from something that pops up in your life. Like being impatient and not enjoying that state. You would create the new program – short and sweet; our unconscious thinks like a child, no negative wording, and present tense.

So ‘I am patient.’ Or at the most two things, ‘I am patient and kind.’

Or you can create a whole long list for every area of your life with really positive beliefs. I stopped at about 6 full pages and I’m not done installing them all.

A good first belief to install would be would be, ‘All my new beliefs benefit me and the world.’

Then I advise you to do, ‘I love myself completely.’ Because that changes everything!

And it wouldn’t hurt to do, ‘I can install new beliefs easily and quickly.’

I was totally enthusiastic at first and did 5 in a row and it did work but it’s probably better if you gave yourself more time and more chance to focus on one at a time. Now I usually do about 5 in the course of a day as they come up.

One of my success stories is that I installed ‘All the improvements to my home that I desire will be done in the next year.’ I hadn’t been consciously thinking about a remodel at all. I live in a mobile home because I want a small footprint but, since I added a dog and a cat, it has gotten a bit shabby.

But when I realized that was on my list I went ahead and started remodeling my house – by myself! I got a little help with heavy stuff like replacing rotten flooring but mostly it was my work. And my son donated the money for supplies against his inheritance when I leave him the house – perfect! The house looks so much better already. I still have all the interior doors to replace and I’m looking forward to learning how to do that. It truly feels like a new house.

So, as you can see from that story, this is magic and not-magic! We create our world from our thoughts. If my thoughts are ‘I shouldn’t take anything more for myself because so many people are starving’ then I wouldn’t have bothered remodeling. If my thoughts change to ‘I deserve to live in joy and beauty’ then it’s logical to get going with the paint and the saw.

Installing the New Program.

This is the part I only just recently figured out how to do. Affirmations were supposed to do this but usually didn’t work for me and I discovered why.

Affirmations are usually saying something that your conscious mind does not agree with. If I said I am abundant in every way, my mind was saying, ‘Bulloney, what about the bank account, take a look!’ That argument keeps you in Beta vibration and nothing new gets installed.

So you have to be in Theta, or at least low Alpha state before you can actually get to the level where programs are installed. At first you can do this by playing Theta music from youtube, or doing a deep breathing exercise, sitting out in nature feeling grateful, etc. etc.

Or if you know how to relax already you can take a shortcut by using a physical way of bringing your brain into balance. I got this position from Brain yoga. First, set the intention that what you are doing is for the benefit of all. It really is because every time one of us cleans something up in our programming we are benefiting the whole.

Sit with your legs crossed at the ankles.
Then hold your right earlobe with your left hand, thumb underneath, and your left earlobe with your right hand, so your arms are also crossed.

This brings your brain into balance, both right and left hemispheres and cuts out the arguments.

Take a deep breath in and on the outbreath, say ‘Peace’.

Now you are ready to install the new program. And remember that you don’t need to judge it. Keep an open mind. You are just giving it a free trial for 30 days on your hard-drive and you can uninstall it any time you want. You just are curious to see what life would be like with this new program.

You say it slowly and powerfully 3 times, with emotion if possible. If it doesn’t feel sincere then pretend you are an actor on your own stage. Dare to hope for it from your heart.
The voices in your head may come up at first but just listen, don’t argue with them.

What happens for me now is that sometime before I’ve finished the last declaration of intent, I sigh or take a deep breath automatically.

This may happen for you, or you may have another sign. But after the 3 declarations you are done and the program is installed.

Then you bring your fingers together in front of your heart and say SAVE. Remember what happens on the computer when you don’t save your work?

Then I put my hands on my heart and say ‘Thankyou, thankyou!’

My teacher’s 8 year old son loved math and he said ‘Dad, I want to be a master in math!’ So they installed the program, ‘I am a master in math.’ and the kid is already winning state championships! You can teach anyone this, kids love it!

Ongoing work.

The best thing to do after installing a belief is to take a step in the ‘REAL’ world that would confirm it, or you could just be on the watch for the old program to show up so you can say ‘no, no, baby, not you, I want the new belief!’

You really can’t create beliefs that would hurt others because we are all one, but if you try you will probably be the first one under the bus.

You also can’t create new beliefs for anyone else no matter how much you would like to 😉

You can do this as often as you like. Your unconscious is a work-horse, it can take anything on and find the way to create it in your life. It’s been creating all the stuff you haven’t liked all these years, right?

I’ve had a month long pause to practice this work and I’m telling you it works! The first people I taught, my grandkids, just shone it on, didn’t believe in it. But if I lived closer I could have guided them more often. A couple of others, grownups, the same thing, they shone it on. Most people are sleepwalking anyway and they don’t want anyone to disturb their waking dream. So I just gave up on sharing it.

But now I’m getting enough tweaks from my Superconscious that I thought I’d put it out there and see what happens. Worst case scenario is a few more people I never see will think I’m crazy 😉

Blessings!

I’d love feedback or questions!
But if this conflicts with your existing beliefs you don’t need to attack me. Just click away, go find something you enjoy.

Art and Growth

 

I just realized how long it has been since I wrote a blog entry. There have been huge transformations taking place in my life and I just forgot to report on any of them 😉

I dedicated the time from February 1st to my birthday on March 31st to clearing my slate; in my house, in my life and in my psyche. I do this every year because the 2 months before a birthday is a great life detox time so that you can start the next year with clarity and peace.

I got clear on my purpose, which is Awakening. That probably means different things to different people. To me it means becoming aware in every moment that we are all ONE and all part of the divine plan for this planet.

In my releasing of old stuff; childhood patterns at an ever-deepening level, programming from family and society, implants from previous lives, I see more clearly every time something comes up for release, what function it served in making me the unique being that I am now. I am taking full responsibility for everything in my life finally.

At the same time as I’m doing all this inner clearing, I am teaching myself how to paint abstracts and I am loving it so much. Every one of them so different, like flowers and trees and every one a joy to make. I am using various kinds of flowing to paint, letting the colors interact with one another in whatever way pleases us – me and them 😉

Then I am also recreating an old product that I made out of clay 25 years ago – Wild Wailing Women. This is a healing tool. The wailing women listen to all your complaints, from major to minor, and she wails for you, directly into the ear of the Universe, so you can let go of your pain or aggravation or grief and get on with life.

I can’t do clay anymore because I don’t have access to a kiln or enough room, so I have been studying polymer clay and art dolls and I am inspired to create a new Wild Wailing Women for this new time. It is so much fun! I have completed one and learned what NOT to do. Now I will work on a new prototype – as soon as I can tear myself away from the flowing of paint 😉

A previous blog on Intentional Creativity was about how being creative in some way can help to heal all kinds of things in your life. I can tell you it is really true. I am happier now than I can ever remember being, in a very deep way and totally independent of external approval.

Get yourself some paints or music or writing that makes you smile to do it and do it every day, even if only for half an hour and you will see what I mean. You can go to youtube for instructions on anything you want to learn. I love that!

Blessings

Pam

It’s Time for your Inner Male and Inner Feminine to Tie the Knot

My Inner Male (IM) and Inner Female (IF) often disagreed how things should be handled in my life and I’ve been doing a lot of work healing that split in the last year. I appreciated my male side when I needed to get things done but I thought it was often a problem when I interacted with others. He was too blunt!

Even my IF had a hard time with normal, everyday conversations. As an empath she could see and feel clearly and often spoke from a deeper place than people expected. So, let’s just say, small talk was not my best skill.

I first did some journaling on the qualities I was grateful for in both of them. It was amazing how much I came up with when I just wrote it down without censoring.

Then I journaled on the qualities I found not so useful and wished I could change in some way.

From this process I recognized that my Inner Male was the Warrior archetype. Many women seem to have this particular archetype since women have entered the corporate world over the last 35 years. But there are many other male archetypes; rescuer/Prince Charming, father, teacher/guru, judge/policeman/controller, handyman/fixer, friend, lover, playmate.

Your inner male archetype would depend on your life path. And it will be obvious when you look back and see what you have resisted and also longed for, your whole life. I have always known I had that warrior within. In fact my first husband used to call me Robina Hood.

So I did a meditation and went inside to meet my Inner Warrior, the Mars Archetype, which just happens to be my birth sign.

As he walked towards me at my call, in his battle armor, he was so full of light, like one of King Arthur’s knights, and he told me he would protect me until death and always had. It was so genuine it brought tears to my eyes.
I told him that I loved and appreciated him finally as he deserved, but perhaps I did not need the same kind of protection now I’m a crone. Perhaps just seeing things from his male perspective would be the most useful help now.

Then I met my Inner Feminine; so soft and beautiful and so full of desire to remove all the pain and suffering in the world.
She never would have made it on her own.
In Astrology she is Cancer, ruled by the moon, needing constant change. She often found Mars too strong and dictatorial for her, always trying to make her stick with the same safe path. She didn’t have a clue that she was the queen and he would always act on her desire. I held her close and transmitted the feeling that Mars had shown me and she felt it for herself.

Every cell in my body had an epiphany of gratitude for both of them that just swept through me. So we decided to create a sacred ceremony to help us remember who we truly are.

I went down to the beach very early in the morning on February 14 and we each promised undying love, appreciation and devotion, and to always remember that we were both vital to each other here on Planet Earth, the planet of duality. I tied a braided silk thread around my finger and wore it until it fell off.
I will do another ceremony again this and every year.

This has been a very tough year for me, my 70th birthday year brought some hard lessons. I just realized on writing this that perhaps it was because my heart was not as protected as before, not as many shields are up. My warrior allowed me to feel my own pain fully, and let me notice my lack of truly like-minded, joy-filled company to play with on Planet Earth.

The truth is we can’t deeply love anyone else until we truly love ourselves; all of the beings and faces and voices within us, the whole menagerie. This has nothing to do with whether we are single or in relationship with an external male. We pull into our lives the external males that we need to learn lessons. Once we move into partnership with our internal male then we often find ourselves moving into a whole different relationship with our external partners as well.

Blessings
Pam

Intentional Creativity

Early in January I went to a workshop with Shiloh Sophia called The Legend. It was about rewriting your story, the ones you have always told about your life. Writing yourself a new story that would be more fun and productive to live out and then painting the new you. The thing that got me hooked on the workshop was the part that said you can make it up! It doesn’t have to be true!

I’ve always had a hard time telling lies. I’ve done it, of course. We all have. But I think the truth is written all over my face so clearly that only a blind person would miss it.
In fact, one of my favorite thoughts is that we would all wake up one morning and only speak the truth, be totally transparent to each other, and how that would change the world.

As soon as I signed up, all kinds of memories came up for review. I thought of things I hadn’t thought of for years. And always with the perspective of, what about this memory would I change if I could?

When I got to the workshop I was so ready! I really do know that 2015 is going to be my best year ever. I have let go of so much stuff and changed my beliefs and daily practices so much this last year. It was held in the Cosmic Cowgirls studio in Healdsburg and it is an incredible place! Totally inspiring!

We did some journaling and found the secret inner belief that is core to how we see our lives. That was extremely powerful. Then we went to the huge white canvases and began. We actually had 3 days of painting and arrival day and closing session. I never would have believed that the incredible works of art in that room could have come into being in that short time.

My New LegendSo here is my new Legend. Her name is Irrepressible Joy and she’s filling my house with her energy now. She’s so much more beautiful in person. We all have total joy at the core of our being. The trick is to be able to experience it in this world of duality. There are so many opportunities to be dragged off into drama.

Shiloh calls her method Intentional Creativity and she knows it can change people’s worlds. You can do it online as well and there are many women who have trained as teachers of the method. You may be lucky enough to live near one of them.
You can find her at shilohsophiastudios.com and cosmiccowgirls.com. FYI I’m not an affiliate, I just would love more women to experience more joy 😉

I spent the whole of November setting up an art studio in my house and now I paint every day. I just painted an image of the Sacred Marriage that I will post in February for Valentine’s Day.

Live in Joy,

Pam

Happy New Year 2015

artnewsletter

For me Winter Solstice is the real turning of the year and I had a wonderful Solstice event using my new Infinity Peace Path as the framework. I’ll tell you about it so that you can do it for yourself anytime you want to make a change in your life. It doesn’t conflict with any religion you follow and involves the 5 elements that we all need to keep on living.

You first mark out an infinity sign on the floor as simply as putting 3 rocks or shells, or anything really, in an elongated figure 8. The middle one is the crossing point and you walk a circle around the other two as big as you would like. You can do it on the beach, in the park, anywhere about 20 feet long and 8 ft wide.

Then in the middle of the left hand circle, which is the circle of letting go, imagine 5 bowls or baskets representing the elements; earth, fire, water, air and Spirit. I had earth, a candle, sea water, air, and a Tibetan bowl to represent Spirit, but you can just imagine it.

Now you walk 5 times around the whole path and as you pass the imaginary bowls on the left side you let go of something in your life represented by that element.

Earth is the life of the physical plane; your health, job, money, location, etc.
Fire represents misplaced passion; anger, resentment, resistance, etc.
Water is our emotional life; grief, sorrow, regret, lack of self-love, lack of confidence.
Air represents the mental life; all the beliefs, programs and patterns that we feel we should have outgrown by now, that are hindering our growth.
Spirit is any doubt or fear. When we are truly connected to Spirit we can transcend doubt and fear but we never get rid of it entirely because it is a basic of this existence in a body. It’s built in to the amygdala in the brain and was necessary for our survival, perhaps will be again.

Now you send all those imaginary bowls and all that energy out into the Cosmos where it all dissolves into love – because that’s all there is really when you get out there away from this planet of polarity. You don’t have to know how to do this, as you think it and imagine it, it happens.

So now you can do one circuit in the peace of emptiness. I did a healing ritual at this point.

Now you can walk the path of receiving. The imaginary bowls are in the right-hand circle now.

The earth is a gift of abundance and healing all lack. I had amethyst crystals in this one.
Fire was the gift of a red flower; finding your true passion and following it.
Water was healing water; healing yourself in every way.
Air was a gift of words of inspiration to replace the old beliefs.
Spirit was sparkling radiance.

Thank each element for the gifts you get every moment. We would die without any one of these elements, some quickly, some slowly. Notice if you fully received these gifts. Most of us have a hard time with receiving 😉

Walking alone, without any of the element bowls, will integrate your right and left hemispheres and bring you to a place of peace. Adding in the elements makes that more profound and life changing. I was doing it on the beach every day right after Solstice and it was so calming. Then my family arrived and it went out the window 😉

So now I am off to an art and writing workshop for five days. I am so excited! And I am also creating some new and beautiful abstracts in my new studio. One of them is above.

This will be the last newsletter you will receive because I don’t want to pay for the newsletter program which just doubled in price, but you can always read my blog here on the site or you can click on the RSS feed button and get it on your home page.

So I will keep on writing blogs once in a while as a record of my changes. This year has been momentous in that regard. I have given up the desire to heal others. We all are dealing with the lessons we need to learn.
Now I desire to inspire others with my words or my art instead. I listened recently to one of those teleseminar programs where various women were explaining how to be a powerful woman and it was all stuff I have been saying for donkey’s years but I just didn’t manage to get anyone to listen. Now the word is out there and available and I can step back and leave it to the younger women. They speak the language of NOW and understand marketing better than I do.

If you use my Infinity Peace Path in your own work please credit me and my site. I may try to get it out there somehow because it changed people right in front of my eyes on Solstice.

Love and Joy and Peace in 2015. May it be your best year ever.

Pam

Great Poems

I was given the assignment to pick a poem to live by and Kim Rosen has a page on her website where she lists 50 poems that she loves. So I went there to check it out and the very first one was a poem I heard over 40 years ago that first opened the space for poetry in my heart.

David Whyte was giving his first poetry reading in the US and he read like an angel. He read each line at least twice and there were long pauses in his reading. I was totally blissed when the morning was over. I went walking on the grounds at Asilomar and my feet weren’t touching the earth. At that time his own poetry was not famous so he read some beautiful poems from Rumi, Rilke, Goethe and others then finished with some of his own.

So, part of the assignment was to record the poem you want to live by and I’ve just finished doing that. I’ll put it up here in case anyone is interested. Enjoy!


After I did this post I googled David Whyte and I have spent the day listening to him. He is still mesmerizing! And I found a poem I had been searching for a long time. I thought it was called Lost in the Forest, but that one is by Neruda and it is different. The one I was seeking is just called Lost and is by David Wagoner and David Whyte spoke it that same day at Asilomar. So I recorded that one as well. I’ve always remembered bits of it but not clearly. It is so beautiful! Enjoy again!



After re-engaging with great poetry all day I am in a totally altered space, lifted out of the 3D world and seeing the enormous undertow of creativity that is tugging on me. It’s probably no coincidence that I tore down two tin sheds this week to make room for an art studio under an awning beside my house. All my art supplies; for painting, silk-painting, sculpting, stained glass and copper working have been dormant inside the sheds for years. Now I will have a real studio again. It’s definitely time that poetry showed up at the feast 😉

Celebration of Self

December often turns out to be a stressful month for many women. We have gifts to buy, events to plan, family gatherings we have to go to. It all adds up to stress on many levels.

So, let’s declare November the month of Self-Love!
Observe your reaction to that 😉
Was it ‘That sounds like heaven’ or ‘I can’t do that’?

We could all use some more self-love in our lives, putting ourselves first for once. In actual fact that is the way I run my life now. My book was the last thing on my MUST DO list. Now I am doing whatever I please. It pleases me to pack orders from my business and send them out to help women, so there is no conflict there. And it pleases me to dance and do yoga and walk the dog. I am clearing out some physical stuff to make room for a painting studio. And I am planning on spending a lot of time within, in Nature and talking to Spirit until Spring. Basically I’m having a sabbatical or a spiritual retreat without paying anything or going away to do it 😉

Yes, I hear you that you can’t do that right now because…………………….
So what can you do?
Can you give yourself an hour a day to go within or go out in Nature, not for exercise but for the joy of it. Yes, even in the rain or the snow 😉 I know that’s easy for me to say, it was like Summer on the beach today.

I have an intense feeling of urgency to get my mental and emotional stuff cleared out of my system as well, programming that has been hanging on since before birth. They are finding out now that what your mum and dad believed, how they felt and what was happening in their environment totally affects the way you view the world – and usually limits your possibilities. I so believe that!

There was a session in Tom Kenyon’s sound workshop that I took in May that cleared all that stuff and welcomed the newborn Pam, free and clear, into the world. I just got the cds of the workshop so I am going through it again and I will do it until I think I’m complete. Every time I think I’m done a new level comes into my awareness to work on. Dang!

So I try not to tell anyone what they should be doing because that would be ridiculous; I can’t walk in your shoes. I don’t know what the trials and tribulations of all the women reading this are. But since I finally accept myself as being totally unique, what I can do is tell you what’s happening for me and trust that you will figure out your own way to get to your own peace and joy. Or get annoyed and opt out 😉

So if that would be just an hour every day to write, or walk, or sing or feel grateful for this incredible world, then do it. Just do it, women, you are worth it!!!

The other people in your life will adjust, probably with some grumbling at first. It will benefit them that you set an example of self-love. And if your life is full of people who bring you down and think you owe them, then take more time off, you deserve it. It will give you the clarity to deal with them when you come back.

For some of us our families or our aging parents often seem to need more of our help and our attention than we can give. When you are clear and happy you can give so much more. Forgive them for their neediness, they can’t help it. My mum’s mind was going for years before she died and I didn’t get it at the time. It was so gradual. So I kept giving what she wanted and built up more hidden resentment all the time. I wish I could do that time over! I would take more time for myself and only do what I could do lovingly.

If you are thinking that it is your job to take care of everyone else and I am being incredibly selfish, that is an example of the programming of this culture. You’ve been brainwashed. Wouldn’t it be interesting to really get to know who you are and what you want under the programming? I think the underlying core of all of us is Love, Peace and Joy. That’s what I want to get back to as my pushbutton reaction. When I help others from that place it is a win for both of us.

And I also really trust that if I choose not to help a person in my life, they will find someone else to step into that job. We all find our match somehow.

Ok, so have a Huge Celebration of your own Unique Beingness, your own gift to the world, for the entire rest of November. May it feel sooo good that you decide to do it until you die.

Blessings,

Pam

Life Assessment

Last year I did a ritual celebration at Winter Solstice that was wonderful. We all ended with getting an intention from our Higher Self for the New Year. Mine was to get bigger, to get my work out into the world.

This has definitely been a year of huge change; some changes have been difficult and could not have been foreseen. Now I am planning the Solstice Ritual for the end of this year and I woke up at 4 o’clock this morning thinking about how far I have come.
So I decided to do a Life Assessment. Here it is!

I got the website up and going and then lost the impetus to go any further with it right now. I got my book up on Amazon so that is off my mind and it can create it’s own destiny.

I worked intensely on my physical health this year, prompted by a fear of brain loss as I get older. I don’t want my brain to go before I do. Now, after doing 3 intense months on the Auto-immune diet, I have added some things back that I was previously reacting to without experiencing any problems. So I am regaining weight and feeling good about my food. I probably eat better than the majority of the world – all organic, hardly any processed food. Even my dog gets food cooked fresh every day 😉

My new hobby for the winter evenings is to watch TED talks and I am learning some amazing things that I never would have dreamed of. Sometimes I’m glad that I won’t be here to see the world that is coming; ever more disconnected from Nature, from Spirit and from each other. Other times when I hear about people in Africa and India inventing amazing new things to help each other I am totally heartened. But anyway my brain still seems to be in good shape.

Financially, I am coasting, making enough on the weight vests to support my modest lifestyle. I did all kinds of marketing courses on how to sell myself and have people pay lots of money for workshops and sessions but I am totally uninterested in that right now. I see so many people working hard at trying to make money while doing what they love to do and it doesn’t look like fun. They always have to find the next new customer and there are so many voices out there.

My relationship with my son has become totally different since last year. We are back to seeing, hearing and valuing each other in new ways and that is a total joy to me.

I am spending lots of time in Nature, talking to the Earth, the elements and Spirit and I find that drawing me away from 3D reality. I wish I had a Waldon Pond to go to – but it would have to have Wifi 😉
So, just as I write this, I am aware that I am slipping into a new space of being more at home in the natural world while still valuing some of the gifts of the 3D world.

I am getting a great deal of joy from planning the Solstice Event. It will be beautiful and profound. I wish anyone who is reading this could be there.

I know this has been a tough year for many people and I am incredibly grateful that my changes have brought me to a place of peace that I have never had before. I wish that for everyone.

If you decide to do a life assessment yourself, make sure to do it on a day that the world looks good to you, and treat yourself with kindness, seeing all the growth you have accomplished.

I wrote another blog post a while ago and didn’t send it out so you can check that if you are interested. It is here.

Blessings,

Are Your Adrenals Happy?

I posted this on the weight vest site and then decided to post it here as well. It is titled differently because google has rules about duplicate content but there is nothing new.

It came to me in meditation this morning that my adrenals have been stressed since I was a kid. I had an incident of abandonment when I was four years old. I was rushed to hospital with kidney malfunction and kept there for 2 months. My mother was allowed to visit for an hour a week and my father didn’t come at all because that hour was at work time. And, of course, there was no explanation given at all for any of this. I thought they’d given me away because a new baby had arrived recently. The hospital was run like an army boot camp, the nurses were not allowed to touch me or play with me as I got better and it was like being in jail.

I’ve known for ages that experience was the root of much of my odd way of looking at the world and I’ve done all kinds of therapy on it. But this morning I saw clearly that if anyone had known anything about adrenals back then it could have changed my life. So I had a chat with my adrenals this morning and promised to treat them better and I thought some of you might like to do the same.269556-20418-43

Our adrenals are the two glands that sit on top of our kidneys. They secrete all kinds of hormones that we need to stay balanced, the most important being cortisol. When we are in a stressful situation our adrenals pump out cortisol, the fight or flight hormone, and it gives us a jolt of power. In the usual example of a bear coming closer, we would have the sudden energy to climb a tree, run like heck or pick up a big branch and whack him with it.

So, nowadays, our lives are stressed all the time from the crazy way we live in this culture; traffic, jobs, relationships, finances, responsibilities we wish we didn’t have but can’t get out of, etc. etc. So instead of running to a safe place and settling back into peace, we are always on minor red alert. This destroys the adrenals. I don’t know many women whose adrenals are in great shape actually.

I think adrenal malfunction is one of the first things to set you on the downhill spiral. The thyroid generally goes next, and so on and on, until you become someone you wouldn’t have recognized a few years ago.

I have known for ages what makes my adrenals happy, but haven’t always been able to give them the priority they deserve. So when they are unhappy, I get crabby, when I’m crabby, more bad stuff happens because of my negative energy field. Then I’m even less likely to settle down into a peaceful state that would make them feel happier.

Now my new mantra is – When my adrenals are happy, I’m happy! I am more the joyful, caring person I came into this body to be.

So we had a chat this morning.

I’m really coming to believe that our bodies are like a village, every part of it has it’s own patterns and it’s own agenda and we all have to get along. I apologized from my deepest heart for the abuse I’ve heaped on my adrenals all these years. I sent them huge love and appreciation for allowing me to awaken as much as I have. I told them that now I have a deep connection with Source, (God) my feeling of being alone in the world has dissipated most of the time. And I promised to keep them in my awareness when stuff comes up and deal with it in a way that doesn’t stress them out too much. For instance, if I get mad at something during my day I just release it to Source and bless the person who annoyed me. The adrenals loved that!!

So I realize that to some of you I sound like a complete nut case. But I think that our adrenal health is very connected with our bones and we can do all the right things to improve our bone density but if our adrenals are on red alert all day our whole body suffers and stops growing and starts concentrating on just maintaining the vital organs. Bones are not vital organs to the body so they get put on the back burner.

Adrenal health is also directly connected with sleep – and if we don’t sleep well everything in the body and mind goes downhill.

I won’t bore you with all the things happy adrenals will do for you. I’m sure most of you know all that already. So my main contribution here is to let you know that you can talk to your body parts (your village) and appreciate them and give them love instead of blaming them for your sad or fearful or mad day or even life.

 

Giving the 100 Day Challenge the Boot.

Ok, my intention to learn the trapeze in 100 days has driven me a bit berserk! I do love to keep my promises to myself whenever possible, so when I noticed I wasn’t actually doing the work every day I was first understanding and tolerant, then a bit slave-driving, then questioning (does that sound like your mum?).  Nothing actually got me going!

What I got with the questioning was two things. One, that the trapeze nowadays is not the trapeze I was imagining in my mind. When I was a child and saw the beautiful, sparkling lady climb up the ladder and get on the trapeze I was totally awestruck. I wanted to be like her so much I could taste it! She always had her partners and brothers to swing her back and forth and flip her in the air and catch her. It just looked like Heaven! She was never a disappointment like the ride on the elephant.

It’s different now. The circus place where I do aerial yoga every week is from the new school, the Cirque du Soleil version of circus. I admire it enormously but I don’t want to go there. For one thing, the trapeze hangs from one point so it circles around  and around and doesn’t just fly straight like a swing. For another, there are no nets so the routines on the trapeze now tend to be a little hanging gymnastics and then a pose for applause, another little gymnastic contortion and then a pose.

So I was pretending to myself that I was in this for the body strengthening but really I was in it for the thrills. I wanted to be on a giant swing. And, I noticed that I’m still a bit shy about posing (‘especially at your age!’ my mum just said). Mum’s actually dead but that doesn’t stop her from talking in my head 🙂 . That’s number one.

Number two is that I have been working on revising the book a lot and also on becoming clear on what I wanted to spend my next twenty years doing. With that and the solar flares I was feeling uncharacteristically physically tired. My mind and emotions were doing really well but my body was dragging a bit. I also asked for and got greater communication with my guides, and it is wonderful, but I think so much of my being is moving into another dimension that it added to my tiredness. My body has to catch up.UCSB Labyrinth

So over Solstice I did an amazing ritual at the UCSB Labyrinth. It is pretty  new and was totally empty. It overlooks the ocean, I could hear the waves, and I was in Heaven. The message that I got was that the gift that I came to share with people, women especially, is how to get present in their bodies as a regular way of being. Then proper nutrition and self-love and breathing and reclaiming their own power to create their lives, all fall into place for each one in her own way.

I can’t tell anyone else how to eat. I finally have become clear on what suits my body at this time of my life and I’m grateful for that. But it certainly wouldn’t suit many people. I was hung up on that for a while watching people feed their addictions and getting sicker and sicker. I really want everyone to be well and happy and doing great work in the world. But after hearing the words a zillion times that everyone is on their own path, I finally got a hit right to the heart during this ritual that everyone is doing what is right for them right now. My only job is to be the best that I can be at my own life, and if I look a lot more lively and healthy than other people my age then maybe they will sit up and take notice.

So I’m not sitting on my fingers, I’m still exercising daily, but I’ve kicked the trapeze idea to the curb. And I’m not going to do challenges any more either. I will accept my life day to day as I am creating it with extreme gratitude. Often while on the beach walking with Dragon I wonder how I got so lucky.

Love and blessings,
Pam