My Inner Male (IM) and Inner Female (IF) often disagreed how things should be handled in my life and I’ve been doing a lot of work healing that split in the last year. I appreciated my male side when I needed to get things done but I thought it was often a problem when I interacted with others. He was too blunt!
Even my IF had a hard time with normal, everyday conversations. As an empath she could see and feel clearly and often spoke from a deeper place than people expected. So, let’s just say, small talk was not my best skill.
I first did some journaling on the qualities I was grateful for in both of them. It was amazing how much I came up with when I just wrote it down without censoring.
Then I journaled on the qualities I found not so useful and wished I could change in some way.
From this process I recognized that my Inner Male was the Warrior archetype. Many women seem to have this particular archetype since women have entered the corporate world over the last 35 years. But there are many other male archetypes; rescuer/Prince Charming, father, teacher/guru, judge/policeman/controller, handyman/fixer, friend, lover, playmate.
Your inner male archetype would depend on your life path. And it will be obvious when you look back and see what you have resisted and also longed for, your whole life. I have always known I had that warrior within. In fact my first husband used to call me Robina Hood.
So I did a meditation and went inside to meet my Inner Warrior, the Mars Archetype, which just happens to be my birth sign.
As he walked towards me at my call, in his battle armor, he was so full of light, like one of King Arthur’s knights, and he told me he would protect me until death and always had. It was so genuine it brought tears to my eyes.
I told him that I loved and appreciated him finally as he deserved, but perhaps I did not need the same kind of protection now I’m a crone. Perhaps just seeing things from his male perspective would be the most useful help now.
Then I met my Inner Feminine; so soft and beautiful and so full of desire to remove all the pain and suffering in the world.
She never would have made it on her own.
In Astrology she is Cancer, ruled by the moon, needing constant change. She often found Mars too strong and dictatorial for her, always trying to make her stick with the same safe path. She didn’t have a clue that she was the queen and he would always act on her desire. I held her close and transmitted the feeling that Mars had shown me and she felt it for herself.
Every cell in my body had an epiphany of gratitude for both of them that just swept through me. So we decided to create a sacred ceremony to help us remember who we truly are.
I went down to the beach very early in the morning on February 14 and we each promised undying love, appreciation and devotion, and to always remember that we were both vital to each other here on Planet Earth, the planet of duality. I tied a braided silk thread around my finger and wore it until it fell off.
I will do another ceremony again this and every year.
This has been a very tough year for me, my 70th birthday year brought some hard lessons. I just realized on writing this that perhaps it was because my heart was not as protected as before, not as many shields are up. My warrior allowed me to feel my own pain fully, and let me notice my lack of truly like-minded, joy-filled company to play with on Planet Earth.
The truth is we can’t deeply love anyone else until we truly love ourselves; all of the beings and faces and voices within us, the whole menagerie. This has nothing to do with whether we are single or in relationship with an external male. We pull into our lives the external males that we need to learn lessons. Once we move into partnership with our internal male then we often find ourselves moving into a whole different relationship with our external partners as well.