Art and Growth

 

I just realized how long it has been since I wrote a blog entry. There have been huge transformations taking place in my life and I just forgot to report on any of them 😉

I dedicated the time from February 1st to my birthday on March 31st to clearing my slate; in my house, in my life and in my psyche. I do this every year because the 2 months before a birthday is a great life detox time so that you can start the next year with clarity and peace.

I got clear on my purpose, which is Awakening. That probably means different things to different people. To me it means becoming aware in every moment that we are all ONE and all part of the divine plan for this planet.

In my releasing of old stuff; childhood patterns at an ever-deepening level, programming from family and society, implants from previous lives, I see more clearly every time something comes up for release, what function it served in making me the unique being that I am now. I am taking full responsibility for everything in my life finally.

At the same time as I’m doing all this inner clearing, I am teaching myself how to paint abstracts and I am loving it so much. Every one of them so different, like flowers and trees and every one a joy to make. I am using various kinds of flowing to paint, letting the colors interact with one another in whatever way pleases us – me and them 😉

Then I am also recreating an old product that I made out of clay 25 years ago – Wild Wailing Women. This is a healing tool. The wailing women listen to all your complaints, from major to minor, and she wails for you, directly into the ear of the Universe, so you can let go of your pain or aggravation or grief and get on with life.

I can’t do clay anymore because I don’t have access to a kiln or enough room, so I have been studying polymer clay and art dolls and I am inspired to create a new Wild Wailing Women for this new time. It is so much fun! I have completed one and learned what NOT to do. Now I will work on a new prototype – as soon as I can tear myself away from the flowing of paint 😉

A previous blog on Intentional Creativity was about how being creative in some way can help to heal all kinds of things in your life. I can tell you it is really true. I am happier now than I can ever remember being, in a very deep way and totally independent of external approval.

Get yourself some paints or music or writing that makes you smile to do it and do it every day, even if only for half an hour and you will see what I mean. You can go to youtube for instructions on anything you want to learn. I love that!

Blessings

Pam

It’s Time for your Inner Male and Inner Feminine to Tie the Knot

My Inner Male (IM) and Inner Female (IF) often disagreed how things should be handled in my life and I’ve been doing a lot of work healing that split in the last year. I appreciated my male side when I needed to get things done but I thought it was often a problem when I interacted with others. He was too blunt!

Even my IF had a hard time with normal, everyday conversations. As an empath she could see and feel clearly and often spoke from a deeper place than people expected. So, let’s just say, small talk was not my best skill.

I first did some journaling on the qualities I was grateful for in both of them. It was amazing how much I came up with when I just wrote it down without censoring.

Then I journaled on the qualities I found not so useful and wished I could change in some way.

From this process I recognized that my Inner Male was the Warrior archetype. Many women seem to have this particular archetype since women have entered the corporate world over the last 35 years. But there are many other male archetypes; rescuer/Prince Charming, father, teacher/guru, judge/policeman/controller, handyman/fixer, friend, lover, playmate.

Your inner male archetype would depend on your life path. And it will be obvious when you look back and see what you have resisted and also longed for, your whole life. I have always known I had that warrior within. In fact my first husband used to call me Robina Hood.

So I did a meditation and went inside to meet my Inner Warrior, the Mars Archetype, which just happens to be my birth sign.

As he walked towards me at my call, in his battle armor, he was so full of light, like one of King Arthur’s knights, and he told me he would protect me until death and always had. It was so genuine it brought tears to my eyes.
I told him that I loved and appreciated him finally as he deserved, but perhaps I did not need the same kind of protection now I’m a crone. Perhaps just seeing things from his male perspective would be the most useful help now.

Then I met my Inner Feminine; so soft and beautiful and so full of desire to remove all the pain and suffering in the world.
She never would have made it on her own.
In Astrology she is Cancer, ruled by the moon, needing constant change. She often found Mars too strong and dictatorial for her, always trying to make her stick with the same safe path. She didn’t have a clue that she was the queen and he would always act on her desire. I held her close and transmitted the feeling that Mars had shown me and she felt it for herself.

Every cell in my body had an epiphany of gratitude for both of them that just swept through me. So we decided to create a sacred ceremony to help us remember who we truly are.

I went down to the beach very early in the morning on February 14 and we each promised undying love, appreciation and devotion, and to always remember that we were both vital to each other here on Planet Earth, the planet of duality. I tied a braided silk thread around my finger and wore it until it fell off.
I will do another ceremony again this and every year.

This has been a very tough year for me, my 70th birthday year brought some hard lessons. I just realized on writing this that perhaps it was because my heart was not as protected as before, not as many shields are up. My warrior allowed me to feel my own pain fully, and let me notice my lack of truly like-minded, joy-filled company to play with on Planet Earth.

The truth is we can’t deeply love anyone else until we truly love ourselves; all of the beings and faces and voices within us, the whole menagerie. This has nothing to do with whether we are single or in relationship with an external male. We pull into our lives the external males that we need to learn lessons. Once we move into partnership with our internal male then we often find ourselves moving into a whole different relationship with our external partners as well.

Blessings
Pam

Intentional Creativity

Early in January I went to a workshop with Shiloh Sophia called The Legend. It was about rewriting your story, the ones you have always told about your life. Writing yourself a new story that would be more fun and productive to live out and then painting the new you. The thing that got me hooked on the workshop was the part that said you can make it up! It doesn’t have to be true!

I’ve always had a hard time telling lies. I’ve done it, of course. We all have. But I think the truth is written all over my face so clearly that only a blind person would miss it.
In fact, one of my favorite thoughts is that we would all wake up one morning and only speak the truth, be totally transparent to each other, and how that would change the world.

As soon as I signed up, all kinds of memories came up for review. I thought of things I hadn’t thought of for years. And always with the perspective of, what about this memory would I change if I could?

When I got to the workshop I was so ready! I really do know that 2015 is going to be my best year ever. I have let go of so much stuff and changed my beliefs and daily practices so much this last year. It was held in the Cosmic Cowgirls studio in Healdsburg and it is an incredible place! Totally inspiring!

We did some journaling and found the secret inner belief that is core to how we see our lives. That was extremely powerful. Then we went to the huge white canvases and began. We actually had 3 days of painting and arrival day and closing session. I never would have believed that the incredible works of art in that room could have come into being in that short time.

My New LegendSo here is my new Legend. Her name is Irrepressible Joy and she’s filling my house with her energy now. She’s so much more beautiful in person. We all have total joy at the core of our being. The trick is to be able to experience it in this world of duality. There are so many opportunities to be dragged off into drama.

Shiloh calls her method Intentional Creativity and she knows it can change people’s worlds. You can do it online as well and there are many women who have trained as teachers of the method. You may be lucky enough to live near one of them.
You can find her at shilohsophiastudios.com and cosmiccowgirls.com. FYI I’m not an affiliate, I just would love more women to experience more joy 😉

I spent the whole of November setting up an art studio in my house and now I paint every day. I just painted an image of the Sacred Marriage that I will post in February for Valentine’s Day.

Live in Joy,

Pam

Great Poems

I was given the assignment to pick a poem to live by and Kim Rosen has a page on her website where she lists 50 poems that she loves. So I went there to check it out and the very first one was a poem I heard over 40 years ago that first opened the space for poetry in my heart.

David Whyte was giving his first poetry reading in the US and he read like an angel. He read each line at least twice and there were long pauses in his reading. I was totally blissed when the morning was over. I went walking on the grounds at Asilomar and my feet weren’t touching the earth. At that time his own poetry was not famous so he read some beautiful poems from Rumi, Rilke, Goethe and others then finished with some of his own.

So, part of the assignment was to record the poem you want to live by and I’ve just finished doing that. I’ll put it up here in case anyone is interested. Enjoy!


After I did this post I googled David Whyte and I have spent the day listening to him. He is still mesmerizing! And I found a poem I had been searching for a long time. I thought it was called Lost in the Forest, but that one is by Neruda and it is different. The one I was seeking is just called Lost and is by David Wagoner and David Whyte spoke it that same day at Asilomar. So I recorded that one as well. I’ve always remembered bits of it but not clearly. It is so beautiful! Enjoy again!



After re-engaging with great poetry all day I am in a totally altered space, lifted out of the 3D world and seeing the enormous undertow of creativity that is tugging on me. It’s probably no coincidence that I tore down two tin sheds this week to make room for an art studio under an awning beside my house. All my art supplies; for painting, silk-painting, sculpting, stained glass and copper working have been dormant inside the sheds for years. Now I will have a real studio again. It’s definitely time that poetry showed up at the feast 😉

A New Art Form

I recently started doing a new kind of art, intuitive art. You don’t have a plan, you just start with a blank canvas, use all kinds of tools to get paint on the blankness and see what comes out of it. It’s a bit scary actually. I realize that I prefer to have a plan and a goal.

It also can get muddy and busy if you overdo it and I like paintings that are clear and bright. So it is a stretch for me. I decided that I would put the paintings on the site in the sidebars for each page as I do them. That gives me a motive to continue. Otherwise I would look at the paintings and not know what to do with them, not really liking them enough to hang them up.

Begin again fw lg

I think I will get used to the new style pretty soon. I’ve already incorporated the watercolor wash techniques and effects that I love for the backgrounds. Anyway it is a chance to stretch and play. I’ve been on the computer too much lately.

On Monday I am going to migrate this site to replace the old one. I’ve done one page on every topic and I will continue as fast as I can. Lots to do but I only like to work on it when I’m happy otherwise it doesn’t come out right.

Oh, I’m on the strict Auto-immune diet now, cooking up a storm, and it’s going well. But I am realizing how much easier it was for me to be happy on a whole bunch of fruit and other hidden sugars. I was a happy little addict 😉 I’m turning into a fat burner now and, sooner or later, I will be happy because I’m so darned healthy.

Enjoy something new until next time,

Pam